Portable USB‑C Thunder Generator

Description

Portable USB-C Thunder Generator™ is TekCrate’s unapologetic masterpiece of ridiculous desk tech. It’s engineered to dazzle the skeptics and confuse everyone else.

• Enterprise-grade parody chassis: looks the part, does not play it
• USB and Bluetooth aura that screams ‘important’ but delivers zero practical power
• Telemetry so verbose, it’s basically talking to itself (and nobody’s listening)
• Firmware updates that literally only update the release notes — because why not?
• One-click ‘Compliance Mode’ — watch the lights dim like a CEO’s remorse
• 90-day ‘Theoretical Warranty’ — trust us, it’s there… kinda

Perfect for desk bragging, sarcastic showmanship, and baffling your coworkers. Warning: actual utility sold separately.